Why I Will Never Be Enough, And Why I’m Okay With That

I’ve learned three things throughout the past month:

  1. Finding your way out of the desert of striving and pressure will not be easy.
  2. The greater the fight, the greater the reward.
  3. I will never be enough. And I’m okay with that, because Jesus is.

Those of you who know me know that this season has been full of life adjustments, a season where I literally was being pulled in all directions and realizing that my desire to do everything, to be everywhere, and to help everyone was slowly crushing me. I’ve taken the month of October to be intentional about prioritizing rest in my life. I’ve said no to things I normally would have jumped at and said yes to, I started taking on more writing projects that give me life, and surprisingly, I’ve allowed myself to make relationships even more of a priority than they had been before. All of this to say: it’s been so good for my heart.

I’ve slowed down, and I’ve listened. Some words have been echoing in my heart during this time that I really feel like I need to share, because, well, we all need to hear them. And we need to let them soak into our souls, instead of just hearing them and saying… “yeah, that is nice for that other girl, but those words surely aren’t for me.” We need to know why they are for us, too. We need to hear them… and I mean, really, really hear them. We need to believe them.

Jesus takes the most ragged, rowdy, unlikely wanderer and puts them on the front lines to flex His glory, to wield His love, to heal people just like us. He’s always doing things like that. His heart so patient and pursuing, when mine is feeble, wavering, and constantly unstable. The great news is: He wants my heart. He wants your heart. He makes them new and He tethers them to Himself, which is so much better than I’d ever be able to do on my own.

It’s ironic, because there have been many times throughout the past month when I’ve felt less than enough. There have been times when I haven’t known what the next right thing is because I’m worn out, defeated, and feeling ill-equipped, not good enough, and struggling to understand the purpose of it all. But those times have taught me something.

I will never be enough. And really, truly, I’m okay with that.

Because Jesus is enough, I can risk for His glory. Because Jesus is enough, I can live into my calling knowing that He is and always will be good, even and especially when it isn’t easy, when it doesn’t go my way, when I fail, when I am drained, and when I lack the wisdom to do the next right thing. He’s got my heart, and when the times come and I can never, ever get it right, He always will.

Whatever you are going through right now, if it’s humbling you, making you pray, bringing you to your knees, and making you feel like you cannot do this alone, maybe there is a reason – a glorious, beautiful reason. It may mean hard work, choosing to go to uncharted territory, and diving headfirst into your fears, but He never fails, and He has a very good plan.

Preserve.

Endure.

Trust.

Follow.

Obey.

Take a new grip with your tired hands. Let grace fill in your gaps.

I’m slowly starting to learn that if I want to get this right, that it’s going to take all of my heart.

October 2018 has taught me a lot, all because I slowed down enough to really, really hear what I was missing. I went on coffee dates with old friends, celebrated the people most important to me, got some killer quality time in with my gals, was so thankful when two friends from out-of-town came back to PA, went on more runs and did more yoga, changed up some habits, read more books, and listened to more podcasts (peep the pictures below of the people who filled my joy. love ’em, so dang much). Like I said, SO GOOD for the soul.

Today, I’m thanking Jesus for the sole fact that I never have to worry about measuring up because He does. He’s got my heart. All of it. And He’s doing something good.

 

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